Laugh in the face of death.

Stingrays
a sleeping menace

I have long been an advocate of the view that either everything is potentially funny, including death, or nothing is.

The joke about the chicken crossing the road and what the blind, deaf and dumb boy got for Christmas (the answer's cancer, by the way) both operate on the same principle -- life is ultimately absurd and the universe hates us.

Roundup

Big ups to Bingtown where I did my first real internship.
City man uses toilet-paper check
to try to settle water-bill dispute

--
Love that chicken...
Al Copeland, a restaurateur
known for spice and speed, dies at 64

His gaudy Christmas decorations, with more than a million lights, drew crowds to his home and a lawsuit from the neighbors. His ever-more-elaborate weddings involved touches like thousands of rose petals falling from his company helicopter.

--
Let's just get "nipple" in there as much as possible.
Woman says TSA forced
piercings removal

To be honest, I'm one of those guys that believes in minimal resistance to any security measure that's aimed at keep my plane in the sky. But the fact of the matter is there are just too many of these types of incidents to ignore.
It seems like the TSA has a lot of under-trained jerks in their ranks.

Grindin'

You know what I keep in the linin'.

Help is on the way!

...got diamonds in my mouf.

Dirrrrrrrrrrrrrty Souf

I feel gross just reading it.

Club where girl, 12, stripped
will keep license

Your city ordinance is an idiot.

Nyhahahaha... BUST.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Seems like this is pretty much putting structure to something kids do anyway.

Ultimate fights expand to include kids

Ultimate fighting was once the sole domain of burly men who beat each other bloody in anything-goes brawls on pay-per-view TV.

But the sport often derided as "human cockfighting" is branching out.

How about we not call it that, Tobias.

Sexy

This is my porn.

AMD introduces new
Phenom chips

BTNH

It's amazing what you have to go through to get to a decent remix. This one ain't perfect but I'm feelin' it. Less would have been more but it does have the mid-career DJ U-Neek feel.

By far one three of my favorite BTNH remixes.

Wasted Grant Money

Do attractive women
want it all?

“When reviewing the qualities they desire in romantic partners, women gauge what they can get based on what they got,” Buss said. “And women who are considered physically attractive maintain high standards for prospective partners across a variety of characteristics.”

You're a genius, you freakin' idiot!

Pavlov's Fish

No bait! Fish may respond to sound

What's next, teaching them to coat themselves in batter and hop inside a fryer?

The Little People

Everyone loved Mo

This isn't the story of Marty Moshinsky's life.

"I don't worry about nuttin'," went his signature phrase.

Everything that glitters is gold.

Art Aragon, 80;
colorful L.A. boxer

"The 'Golden Boy' was a perfect title for him," Van Doren said. "His smile turned everyone on. His skin was golden. His floppy hair bounced so perfectly. He was just so sexy."

--
He remained a continual life of the party, once driving Times sports columnist Jim Murray to a strip club for lunch in 1963. Murray complained about the quality of the chicken he was eating, then described the reaction in the newspaper:

" 'Strippers cost three grand a week and you want squab under glass, too?' Aragon screamed. He had me there."

LGBT

You figure it out.

Transgender man from Oregon
claims he's pregnant

Roundup

TOO OLD
Best and worse defense. The comments are priceless.
1 of 2 93-year-olds charged in sex sting

TOO YOUNG
Gross.
Miss Bimbo promotes extreme diets and surgery to kids

JUST RIGHT
You can't just go giving all the money to every handsome guy you meet.
Bandit hypnotizing bank tellers, cashiers

Dark

John E. List, 82,
killer of 5 family members, dies

In a 2002 television interview on ABC with Connie Chung, Mr. List was asked why he did not take his own life if he felt so overwhelmed. Mr. List said that he thought suicide would have barred him from heaven and that he had hoped to be reunited there with his family.

Making Tuesday Better

Play us another, Freda.

Living Life

Says Riddlla on YouTube: This is a beautiful song...if it weren't for the Wu-Tang clan, i would have NEVER known about it. THanks

Says I: Ditto.

I do it for the ladies.

Mambo Lives!

Cachao, Mambo’s inventor,
dies at 89

My brother and I would say to each other, ‘Mambea, mambea ahí,’ which meant to add swing to that part,” he said in a 2006 interview with The Miami Herald.

Talent

There's a lot to be said about this, but I'm saying only this: If you can learn to do this, you can learn at least one skill that will make you functional, maybe even useful, and better yet, successful in the world.

Anyone care to guess what that skill is?

Farva

"It's French for 'give me some fuckin' cola.'"

"I'm not 'man,' I'm not 'dude,' I'm officer Rivieri. The sooner you learn that, the longer you're going to live in this world."

Is that a death threat?



Here's comes officer Leroy...
\

Cheesy, but why the hell not?


Again?

Easter III

How could I not?

WMD

Give them what you owe!

Vets still seek aid for A-bomb illnesses

"I could see through my arm. I could see through the head of the man I was facing," Mr. Henderson recalled recently. He said the sky turned pink and "after five or six seconds, we turned around and watched a huge mushroom cloud forming with the most brilliant colors I've ever seen — bright orange, red and a brilliant mauve."

It's hard to believe that you could expose someone to something so dangerous and not even give a shit about them afterwards. It's bad enough that you would risk life and health for this, but to not even compensate and care for the people who did the work? Terrible.

Easter II

There's nothing I can say about Easter that you haven't heard so just enjoy this picture for a little bit and maybe it'll make your day better.

I'm feeling a little lazy this morning so I'm just gonna throw some things down there and let you figure out what you want to read. Plus I'm trying to pay attention to Joel Ostein. I'm no evangelical, but the man is a good speaker and he's always positive.

Released by aquarium, shark hustles to Mexico

If it wasn't for Barry, I probably wouldn't be reading this stuff.

A burst of light from halfway to the beginning of the universe

I remember playing this on Sega CD as a kid and being incredibly frustrated by the gameplay.

Fond Memories: Space Ace

Easter

If I told you that Easter is the most important holiday to Christianity at large, you wouldn't believe me. So rather than try to find something meaningful, I'm gonna throw in the YouTube filler.

But why?

Threats

Man charged in e-mail threat to O'Malley

"He was just mad. He's lashing out. It was just words," she said tearfully. "He's a hardworking man. He's always supported us. All he wants is work. And these illegals are taking his work."

I thought when public officials got threats it was just considered part of the job. Not that people shouldn't be punished but I mean, don't we ALL want to "strangle the governor" in our own way?

strangle the governor
strangle the governor
strangle the governor

Lesson learned: if you're mad with the governor, take it out in the press.

Show me on the doll...

Periodically my co-workers and I will talk about ways to get things into the newspaper that aren't typical alllowed.

Lately we've been plotting (not really) to get profanity into the news pages knowing that we're not likely to get anything strong than a "damn" and it would probably have to be under 9/11 circumstances.

But even harder to get in the news are the details of any sexual assault case because they can easily be characterized as a sexual assault. However, police reports don't (shouldn't) lie and the details are important.

Hence, this gem: pubic mound. Maybe the New York Post will run it.

Roundup

Man, 81, kills himself with shot from 'suicide robot'

Wouldn't make it a homicide robot? Either way, let's not blame the Internet for everything. The man was losing it. If his family was really that concerned about his welfare, maybe they would have come to get him.


--
Asylum's renaming insults advocates

But, of course, when aren't advocates insulted?

They say words like "lunatic" and "retarded" have gone the way of "colored" and "Negro" - and should never be resurrected.

So black people can use it, and it's weird at best when a white person uses it -- horrendus at worst? Or can only crazy people use those terms, while the sane have talk around them or be PC?

"It's not just that I'm a liberal and I think it's not a good idea; it's seeing people physically hurt," he said. "That's about all I needed to know."

Uhh, ever heard "sticks and stones..."

--

I never understood tipping at Starbucks. It's like tipping at McDonald's.

Starbucks ordered to pay back tips

They may want to reconsider because if I was a manager and I didn't get to partake (even if I didn't earn it) I'm tripling garbage and bathroom duty. And I'd be sure to institute a public restroom policy.

--
Terrible fate by a magnificient creature.

Stingray kills woman on boat in Florida

As you may remember, Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin was killed when a sting ray punctured his heart. He'll definitely be missed, but how can you be sad for a man who died doing what he loved?

--
VALIDATION with the girlfriend.

Money buys happiness -- if you spend on someone else

The photo is quite money.

Three MC's and one... DS?

Cuz NOOO-body

CAAAAAN do it

like Mixmaster Mario can, come on!
Turn your Nintendo DS into a Pro Audio Synthesizer

Power Lines

A nice little bit of history here.

The overhead mess, and some history

English

I won't comment on this. My friends know how I feel.

'Speak English' signs OK at Philly shop

Let me check HER calendar...

I guess if you're trying to fool around, it helps to know exactly where your wife is going to be and when. Still, it's pretty bold considering that she was in the building.

"Nov. 17, 1995: Mrs. Clinton had no public schedule and was at the White House. That night, Lewinsky said she had a sexual encounter with the president while he was on the telephone in the White House with a member of Congress."

I mean there's cheating, and there's cheating. But this is like the AND1 Mixtape of cheating.

Body Snatcher

You think that once you're loved one has died, that's the worst part of the deal. Then some bastard like this comes along. Ex doctor confesses to stealing body parts

Obama

Miss Dupre

Welp, it makes me wanna dance.


I like the original too. It's so bad, it's good.

The Future

As many of you know, I love a good obit. This one's long, and a little bit too long. I know Sri Lanka is about 10 hours ahead of us, but I can't help but think with the amount of detail in this obit that they might have just been waiting around for him to die. When you write obits, you never feel that you're prepared enough.

Arthur C. Clarke, 90, science fiction writer, dies

"The author of almost 100 books, Mr. Clarke was an ardent promoter of the idea that humanity’s destiny lay beyond the confines of Earth."

This obit reminds me of a quote from "Eyes Without a Face" which I just watched last night courtesy of Netflix.

"The future, madame, is something we should have started a long time ago."

Strangely enough, the DVD has a 30 minute documentary on slaughterhouses. Avoid, if you can, ever seeing a horse or cow have it's brain smashed in or spinal cord destroyed.

DMX

Ignorance is hard to overcome.

From a recent XXL interview with DMX. The whole thing is here.


--
Are you following the presidential race?

Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

--

So he admits to not paying attention to the presidential race, so much so that he wasn't even remotely familiar with the name Barack Obama, but somehow wields the standing to say President Bush isn't calling the shots in the White House. That make sense to you?

The Other Woman

New York State is on administrative leave until further notice.

New NY governor admits affair

A press conference on the issue is scheduled later today.






Here's a good way to piss him off, courtesy of Kramer.


He's pretty good at pissing people off, isn't he?


But not as good as this guy.

Plan B

Big G just keeps on knocking it down:
City ponders 'Plan B' if justices void gun ban

Let me preface the following videos by saying, I love to shoot, but there are certain people you should never ever go shooting with no matter how "experienced" they are with shooting. Some people just plain don't know the rules and some people are dumbasses. And some people don't give shit.

FACE!


PANTS!


JUNK

You don't deserve to have babies or GUNS, you jerk!

State of the Media

For my journalism buddies: State of the News Media 2008.

The short version: Coop's Corner.

And several short versions: Google News.

Gunz

The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in the District of Columbia v. Heller case tomorrow. Hilarity unlikely to ensue.

These are the rules: D.C. Code- DC ST § 7-2502.02- Registration of certain firearms prohibited.

---
In the news...

"I was upset in 1976, but I didn't know anything about politics," Mr. Heller told The Washington Times last week. "So I just said 'Oh, obviously some intelligent citizen is going to take care of this for us.' Here we are; I'm the last one standing."

This is why you're supposed to vote or be otherwise engaged in "the process," which I'm sure Mr. Heller undestands now.

Big shout out to Gary for knocking this one down.

---
I, and Dan, say: "It gets nasty, get down to business."


---
The city is abuzz.

Fighting gun traffickers involves lots of legwork, a little luck

D.C.'s handgun ban Case sparks national interest

Constitution, not love of guns, drives D.C. gun ban Case

---
And as is evident by now, so is the country.

Gun case causes Bush administration rift

Gun-rights ruling could ricochet across nation (excuse the pun)

Texans not on fence over gun case

Supreme Court to hear challenge to D.C. gun law (lame headline; neat photo; I can't get people to tell me how they feel about the weather. This kid just whips out his heater.)

---
Say what you want, I like this song. It's the cherry on top of this post, except it's at the bottom.

Chrome

What is it about fresh iPod chrome that makes me nuts?

Just got a new one today, I parted with the old one via informal sale. I did the typical ritual of minimizing contact between my hands and the chrome as I placed it in its protective case. As my girlfriend said when we did the same thing for her iPod touch, "Human life cannot touch the iPod."

Dorks, right?

Mr. GFK

Who else but Ghostface?

The White House

Hey! WhiteHouse.com is no longer porn. NOT COMPLAINING.

If I was president I'd lobby for a Productive Member of Society tax break. Each year that you're employed, in school or otherwise lowering your burden or future burden on government resources, pay your taxes on time and avoid breaking the law (parking tickets are ok), you get a tax break.

If he was president he'd be elected on Friday...

Cops

They don't teach you this at the academy.



Or this.



And definitely not this.



Or maybe they do. What the hell do I know?

KISS

If you saw the title of this blog and thought I'd be dishing the dirt in D.C., you're wrong. The points of this blog are to keep my writing skills sharp, put all of the things I e-mail to my family and friends in one place and to add a hint of validity to the conception that I'm hip.

That said, most of what you'll find here is the detritus that I sweep up in each news cycle. It's the news junk that has no real relevance to your life but you (and I) enjoy reading anyway. And expect obituaries. I love a good obituary.

I intend for this post to be one of the longest because I'm a busy many with just enough time on my hands to share some interesting, humorous and touching pieces of the Internet.

As a shout out to myself, I'd like to relate the following story:

I was blogging when I got to high school -- before it was cool and before it was called blogging. The writing was sloppy and useless to anyone but myself. It was more an exercise in socializing. Some of my friends liked it, but really they were more impressed that I knew enough HTML to get a colorful and well put together online diary going.

Back then I thought I could write fiction. I couldn't then and can't now. I'm way to technical a writer to enjoy the freedom of fiction. I shared some of my work with my homeroom teacher thinking she might recognize my talent and help me move forward. Instead she yelled at me about how my writing was inappropriate and how one of my stories somehow related to the writing of the Columbine shooters.

For the record, IT DIDN'T. Not by a long shot, according to an informal poll of my peers. You send a kid to a private school where he reads Chaucer and Poe, you're going to get something a little raunchy or dark. Screw her; she should have been a math teacher and everybody knew it.

Enjoy.